In one of my fasting articles – which will continue until the fast is over and beyond, because I think it’s important and I care nothing if you disagree – I mentioned that I have “prostate and liver problems and crippling depression.” I wanted to follow up on that a bit, just to clarify that I am not having some kind of health crisis, as the statements could suggest without context.
It must be understood that this is relative. I have been a health psychopath for my entire life.
You merely adopted health psychopathy. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t eat seed oil until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but a plasticy taste!
I’m weighing these problems against my baseline, which is so much higher than the average American’s as to be completely sickening. During the coronavirus hoax, my health deteriorated some, due to the general status of the situation, as well as less healthy food and increased alcohol consumption.
I also developed a premature prostate problem, about a decade too early, with an unclear origin, which is a unique problem. It was originally told to me that it was bacterial, not an STD but some kind of bacteria which apparently can just appear, and I took the antibiotics and never tested positive for bacteria again, but had some lingering enlargement and though I never had to urinate more than usual, or had pain during urination, the urine stream was not as strong as it should have been for my age. I did a lot of reading, and developed a dietary and vitamin routine that more or less completely solved the problem, but though I haven’t had it tested again, I have felt my urine stream strength is not what it should be.
As regards the liver, when having my prostate examined with an ultrasound, they said I had slight liver fat, again not especially concerning, but early for my age and certainly irregular for someone with my body fat ratio. So, that was presumably the alcohol, which I’ve cut back on significantly (but refuse to abstain from, because I am not a cocksucking faggot). Any average American would have a much fattier liver than mine, even if they are a teetotaler, just because the average American is so fat they have fat in all of their organs (including their brains, by the way, which inhibits basic cognitive function). It’s likely that I’ve cut back on the drinking enough already that if I went and had another ultrasound it would be gone, but ultrasounds are sort of expensive and it made sense to do this along with bloodwork and other things after completing a serious fast.
In terms of “crippling depression,” that is a bit tongue in cheek.
I assume anyone who reads my work is aware that I’m an atypical personality, and that leads to all sorts of mental processes that are clearly not normal. I hesitate to go into that too much, because I wouldn’t want anyone to get the impression that I am claiming to be special. Though I would never call my grandmother a liar, it is an objective reality that I am categorically not special. I’m significantly more intelligent than the average person, though not a genius. I know my IQ, I’ve been professionally tested four times, I’m not going to post it for hopefully obvious reasons, and I’ve had conversations with a lot of people, and it’s a fact I can say with the greatest modesty that I am significantly smarter than the average person.
I’m unsure how well I’ve used that intelligence, and that will probably be left for others to decide after I’m dead. I will at least be remembered, which is more than can be said for someone on Wall Street with a similar level of intelligence who decided to deploy it more strategically.
The significantly above average intelligence is probably a prerequisite for having an atypical personality type. One would probably assume that. The average man is primarily concerned about sex, food, comfort, and social harmony, with only minimal curiosity about anything beyond these things. I would never want to disparage the quiet honor of the peasantry. Of course, I would and do do that. But it’s not because I want to, but rather because it is necessary to do so in order to understand the nature of reality. But I want to note that while sex, food, and comfort are base drives possessed by any animal, the peasantry has a more complex desire for social harmony than other mammals, and this can, under certain circumstances, lead to behavior which can appear noble, including opposition to injustice and perversion, which, if things are going awesomely, can lead to large scale violence.
I have a lot of comments on the way the left romanticizes the peasants while having zero understanding of them. I would actually say that beyond romanticizing them, they actually fetishize them. It’s an interesting psychological disorder. Now that brown people are the global proletariat, you have “queers for Islamic immigration,” which is more facially absurd, but frankly, it was not less ridiculous in the 18th century when wealthy lawyers were calling for Liberté, égalité, fraternité. The sad reality is that peasants deserve human dignity, justice, and nothing much else. But if you can incite them to mass violence, it is hilarious and highly profitable.
If you have curiosity about the nature of the universe, and specifically the nature, origin, and purpose of human existence, there is nowhere that can go other than into the darkness. I think that’s a pretty important observation that deserves some amount of reflection, and I would challenge anyone to challenge it.
I would actually go much further, or at least somewhat further (it’s also possible that this is just an observation that follows naturally) and say that the academy’s obsession with this cartoonish atheistic materialist framework is a psychological defense mechanism, which allows people with the intelligence needed to be curious to avoid confronting the darkness. Ironically, it’s exactly what they accuse religious people of doing, and this seems as though it should be painfully obvious to anyone.
“Well, you see, it’s all very simple. First, nothing existed. Then for some reason there was a gigantic explosion which created all matter. And then, there was an ooze, and for some reason single-celled organisms created themselves in the ooze, and then for some reason they transformed into fish, and then into monkeys, and finally into humans. We die and then just stop existing because consciousness is a function of matter somehow. There is no need to ask any further questions.”
This is so clearly a fairy tale created by men who are scared, like children, to actually start peeling back the layers of what exactly is going on here in so-called reality. Because if you start to peel that back, you are necessarily going to enter into a darkness, and it is a Herculean task to keep that darkness from swallowing you whole. This is why all men with anything interesting to say either died of alcoholism/drug abuse or suicide or became mystics.
I would like to become a mystic. I would like to be able to see the light better than I can right now. And I want to work to be able to do that. I do believe in a God of light, who is pure and good, but down here in this pit of the material world, a world of darkness, we are so very, very far away from His light. And the fact is, while alive, we are only ever going to see glimpses of this light, in the woods, in art, in our children and dogs. And, hopefully, somewhere inside of ourselves.
I have only slightly more respect for Jean-Paul Sartre than I have for William Faulkner, but No Exit is worth reading.
So, no, generally, things have not been particularly cheery for me. It’s been that way since I was a little kid, however. It’s been more acute at various points; probably, it is relatively acute these days. (Though it should be noted, this could be partially or entirely due to reducing my alcohol intake. Perhaps “midlife crisis” simply means “facing the impossible decision of drinking less alcohol or allowing your health to deteriorate.”) This is another thing that is difficult to state, because it sounds whiny (I did write about it quite a bit during the 2023 Illness Revelations and published some significant parts of those particular materials). But I think it’s relevant here, as it relates to the issue of fasting and spiritual development in general. That said, just to be clear, I do not have “clinical depression,” nor do I believe in the concept. Further, whatever war is going on inside my own head, it is by definition not “crippling,” as I am fully capable of carrying out all requisite life functions.
These are just some things I wanted to clarify to the reader. If you would prefer pointless political commentary, I would advise you to either stop reading, or kill yourself. This is my website, and I’m going to write whatever I want to write. And I think probably, reflections on health and spirituality provide much more of a service to society than informing you about the 327,892nd Gaza child the Jews killed or the latest tranny debacle.
We are alive, for some reason, and we are conscious of this life, and of ourselves, and it seems to me that it is of primary importance to attempt to understand the meaning of this. Prayer and fasting appear quite clearly to be requisite aspects of this process.
Every day you need to remind yourself that you are going to die. I would recommend doing it more than once per day, frankly.
It’s in the rosary: “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”
Something is going to happen when you die.
