An Israeli spokesperson has admitted that the Israeli strike on the aid ship Conscience in international waters off Malta was intended to kill the “antisemitic Hamas-adjacent” climate activist Greta Thunberg.
At this morning’s IDF press conference, the excitable Sharren Haskel, Israeli Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs, explained that Thunberg was an even worse antisemite than anyone had realized. “The whole world knows that Greta Thunberg opposes genocide, which means she supports Hamas,” Haskel said. “But that isn’t even the half of it.”
Haskel pointed out that Thunberg’s entire career has been devoted to demonizing carbon. “And you know what Jews are made of? Carbon, that’s what!”
Growing increasingly agitated, Haskel continued: “‘Carbon’ is an antisemitic trope, just like David Icke’s reptilians, who everybody knows are really Jews. When Greta Thunberg pretends to hate carbon, what she really hates is Jews! Obviously she wants to carbonize Jews, meaning gas them to death and burn them in ovens!”
Throwing her arm upward in an involuntary Dr. Strangelove-style salute, Haskel screamed “When someone wants to burn you in ovens, what are you supposed to do? You have to rise and kill first! That’s why our warplanes rose and flew to Malta to kill Greta Thunberg, and just because we missed once doesn’t mean we’ll miss again!”
Reached in her life raft off Malta, Greta Thunberg patiently explained that carbon was just carbon, not some antisemitic trope, but that since Zionists like Sharren Haskel are a waste of perfectly good carbon, maybe they ought to be permanently sequestered underground where they will pose less of a threat to life on Earth.
