Column: How a homophobe repented and have become an imperfect LGBTQ+ ally

I bear in mind him properly: his toothy smile. His spiky shag haircut. His excessive cheekbones and ringing chuckle.

I additionally bear in mind what I referred to as {the teenager}. Queer. Fairy. Even worse names.

We attended Anaheim Excessive within the mid-Nineties. I used to be a senior, he was a freshman. He was one of many few out college students on a campus that was overwhelmingly Latino. He endured taunts, epithets and bullying, whereas chopping down his antagonists with withering insults most of the time.

It didn’t cease me and others.

I realized my homophobia from macho cousins and a father so anti-gay that when my classmate came to visit to our home for my sister’s celebration, my dad forbade us to go within the pool, lest one thing infect us. Homosexuality, my considering went, was not simply an abomination. “They” had been a risk to the folks I cherished — Individuals, Mexicans, Catholics, good folks — by merely current.

When my greatest pal, Artwork, advised me to verify my prejudice, I’d spout off a litany of biblical verses — Leviticus this, Genesis that, a hell of a number of Paul. Nothing might persuade me that I ought to cease my nastiness, not to mention settle for homosexual and lesbian folks as regular.

An HBO film modified all the pieces. In Mr. Elder’s biology class, we watched “And the Band Performed On,” primarily based on the bestselling e-book by Randy Shilts in regards to the early days of AIDS. I turned away in disgust at any trace of same-sex affection. However the story — about how the Reagan administration and society at giant let a horrible illness unfold as a result of it first emerged within the homosexual neighborhood — haunted me.

I might need thought homosexuality to be horrible — however an uncaring authorities that permit folks die due to who they had been was far worse. A number of months later, I went as much as my classmate and apologized. I used to be honest, however I’ll always remember the comprehensible skepticism on his face.

I’ve been attempting to atone for my sins ever since.

I advised my brother when he entered fourth grade to inform me when he and his mates performed a schoolyard sport referred to as Smear the Queer. One particular person randomly acquired the label, and everybody else threw a soccer at him. I knew it wasn’t a matter of if my brother would take part however when — as a result of I used to be taught that sport, too.

At some point, he got here dwelling excitedly and reported that he and his mates lastly performed Smear the Queer. I defined what the phrase meant and what the sport represented, and made him swear to by no means be part of once more.

Professionally, I went on to slam politicians and teams that attempt to deny LGBTQ+ folks their rights and dignity. In the present day, I’ve shut LGBTQ+ mates and nonetheless get in heated debates with family members about their latent and overt homophobia.

I’m an imperfect ally, although. I can’t erase the damage I inflicted earlier than, so I bear in mind these darkish days to remind myself that I can at all times do higher.

That’s why a current ballot executed for The Instances by NORC on the College of Chicago and paid for by the California Endowment introduced me some hope about this nation’s lengthy, painful journey towards accepting LGBTQ+ folks — and was additionally a intestine verify on how a lot work there nonetheless is to do.

The survey was a sequel of kinds to a pioneering 1985 Instances challenge asking folks how they felt about homosexuality. The variations between then and now are stark. Again then, 73% felt homosexual and lesbian relationships had been improper, which an accompanying Instances story famous was virtually unchanged from the same 1973 Gallup ballot. This most up-to-date ballot? Simply 28% felt that approach.

In 1985, 51% of respondents thought there ought to be office protections for homosexual and lesbian folks. In the present day, the quantity is 77%. The older ballot confirmed that 35% had been “uncomfortable round gays.” This time round, the query wasn’t even requested.

The 1985 Instances examine was launched with no images or remark. This time round, we revealed our findings with shifting essays by my present and former LGBTQ+ colleagues. The ballot and essays had been a part of a challenge referred to as “Our Queerest Century” that’s reside on our web site and can seem in print as a particular part June 23.

These surveys present that beliefs do change with time and publicity. However whereas there’s extra acceptance of homosexual and lesbian folks immediately, a brand new intolerance has emerged. The 1985 ballot didn’t ask about transgender folks. The Instances/NORC ballot did — and the outcomes are discouraging.

Greater than a 3rd stated they might be very or considerably upset if their little one got here out as homosexual or lesbian (in 1985, the determine was 89%). But when the kid got here out as trans or nonbinary, the proportion elevated to 48%. When it got here to letting folks “[live] their lives as they want,” solely 19% “strongly or considerably disapproved” if the particular person was homosexual or lesbian. Trans or nonbinary? 31%.

Much more telling was a query about whether or not elevated consideration on trans and nonbinary folks within the media and politics was good or unhealthy. Solely 16% thought it was good, whereas 40% thought it was unhealthy (42% answered “neither”).

The ballot unsurprisingly exhibits that politics and faith correlate with folks’s opinions on LGBTQ+ points. However I additionally really feel {that a} lack of familiarity performs an enormous position. Whereas 72% of American adults within the Instances/NORC survey stated they knew somebody who recognized as homosexual or lesbian, solely 27% stated the identical about transgender or nonbinary folks. When you have got a come-to-Jesus second with somebody you’ve been taught to see as “totally different,” you rapidly notice how silly you might be.

Living proof: me, once more.

A decade after my shameful habits towards my Anaheim Excessive classmate, I learn a robust column by Instances sportswriter Mike Penner that exposed he would return from trip as Christine Daniels.

“I’m a transsexual sportswriter,” Penner wrote. “It has taken greater than 40 years, 1,000,000 tears and lots of of hours of soul-wrenching remedy for me to work up the braveness to sort these phrases.”

I used to be so moved that I despatched a be aware of appreciation by way of a mutual pal. To my shock and delight, Daniels needed to satisfy me to speak about coping with sudden fame. I used to be then on the OC Weekly, and The Instances had featured me and my column, “¡Ask a Mexican!”, resulting in an avalanche of consideration.

I used to be nervous, and never nearly assembly a author whose work I had lengthy admired. I didn’t know anybody who recognized as transsexual and nervous that I might offend Daniels by asking an inappropriate query or utilizing the improper title or pronoun.

Gregory Winfrey, left, and Benedicto Barnachea, safety guards with Allied Common, increase a Delight flag over the Kenneth Hahn Corridor of Administration in downtown Los Angeles in 2023.

(Gary Coronado/Los Angeles Instances)

At a panini spot in Previous Towne Orange, Daniels rapidly disabused me of my low-key transphobia. I discovered myself specializing in the particular person earlier than me: Type. Hilarious. Good. Comfortable. Within the Weekly, I continued to proudly bash the ghouls who ridiculed Daniels, all the way in which to the unhappy day in 2009 when Mike Penner, who had returned to utilizing that byline in The Instances, died by suicide.

In the present day, as metropolis councils reject calls to fly rainbow flags throughout Delight Month and college boards ban books and curricula that contact on something LGBTQ+, as adults protest drag time story hours within the title of defending kids and hurl invectives at drag nuns whereas mocking the rise of “Latinx,” I bear in mind my journey from hatred to humility.

I requested Bamby Salcedo, president and chief govt of the TransLatin@ Coalition, about one of the simplest ways to alter closed hearts and minds.

It’s not “about doing a coaching or checking a DEI field” she stated, referring to variety, fairness and inclusion; it’s about having troublesome conversations from a spot of affection, “as a result of hate doesn’t win.”
A heartfelt push again to somebody’s anti-LGBTQ+ attitudes, Salcedo stated, can “put out that seed of change. And in the event you plant it, la cosecha sale [the harvest comes].”

I remind myself that folks can change — and those that’ve skilled a highway to Damascus second should urge others to observe our path.

Probably the most avoidable sin is ignorance, in spite of everything, and all sinners should repent. Take it from one.