Gov. Jeff Landry of Louisiana indicators a invoice mandating that the Ten Commandments be displayed in all public school rooms. He says of the laws, “I can’t wait to be sued.”
***
Mr. Landry is sued by 28 organizations, together with the American Civil Liberties Union, Amalgamated Atheists of America, the Benevolent and Protecting Order of Beelzebubbians, the Spouses of U.S. Supreme Court docket Justices Neighborhood Welcome Wagon Affiliation, and Liberals for the Prevention of Morality.
The Republican Social gathering responds with a fund-raising electronic mail blitz for a brand new authorized protection fund. The topic line reads, “Moses ❤️ Louisiana (and Trump!!!).”
***
Donald Trump hails Mr. Landry, calling him “the best mayor of Louisiana perhaps ever.”
“Really, ever,” he provides.
When President Biden factors out that Louisiana is a state, not a metropolis, a Trump spokesman responds with a press release: “As soon as once more, the morally corrupt head of the Biden Marxist Leninist Maoist household crime syndicate has demonstrated its contempt for all residents of Louisiana, or as will probably be recognized within the second Trump time period, Holy Land East.”
***
Talking earlier than the annual convention of the Evangelical Substitute Lecturers Affiliation on the eve of Thursday’s presidential debate towards Mr. Biden, Mr. Trump calls the Ten Commandments “my favourite of all of the commandments.” In an obvious reference to Moses, he says that “being from New York Metropolis,” he “personally is aware of many, many individuals named Moe, all of them terrific, and most of them dentists.”
***
The Ten Commandments controversy dominates the controversy on Thursday. Mr. Biden challenges Mr. Trump to call “one commandment that you simply haven’t damaged.” Mr. Trump fires again, “Thou shalt not rig elections.”
Fox Information instantly declares Mr. Trump the winner of the controversy, despite the fact that 87 minutes stay within the 90-minute discussion board. However the Trump marketing campaign is dealt a setback when the previous president remarks that “God — and what an attractive god he’s, so lovely, so very, very lovely — delivered the commandments at Mount Sinai, a high New York hospital.”
***
Emboldened by Louisiana, the Tennessee legislature sends a invoice to Gov. Invoice Lee mandating that display savers on gadgets (together with televisions, iPhones and GPS) show clips from the 1956 film “The Ten Commandments,” starring Charlton Heston as Moses.
Mr. Lee says, “I can’t look ahead to it to be seen.”
***
Emboldened by Tennessee, South Carolina’s legislature sends a invoice to Gov. Henry McMaster mandating that every one Boeing plane and BMW autos assembled in South Carolina present the Ten Commandments on windshields, utilizing heads-up show expertise.
Mr. McMaster indicators the invoice, remarking that if Moses had this within the thirteenth century B.C.E., “he’d have gotten these Israelites to the Land of Canaan a complete lot sooner than 40 years.”
The brand new legislation is hailed by South Carolina Baptists as “morally clarifying,” however the Air Line Pilots Affiliation, representing 78,000 U.S. and Canadian pilots, expresses “grave reservations.” When a number of Boeing plane land on Fort Sumter, mistaking it for Charleston Worldwide Airport, the Federal Aviation Administration grounds all Boeing plane assembled in South Carolina. Mr. McMaster denounces it as “typical Washington, D.C., totalitarian interference” and says he can not “wait to sue.”
His defiance is difficult after quite a few incidents involving South Carolina-assembled BMWs driving into palmettos.
***
U.S. Supreme Court docket Justice Samuel Alito Jr. says he has “no thought” how a 50-foot-high billboard inscribed with the Ten Commandments “ended up” atop his New Jersey trip house.
Drone footage taken by a neighbor reveals a girl intently resembling Martha-Ann Alito, the justice’s spouse, dangling from a crane, sporting a tough hat and portray what seem like the phrases “THOU SHALT NOT.”
It immediately goes viral.
Justice Alito says he was napping on the time, and thought the noise on the roof was “Martha-Ann throwing rocks at sea gulls.”
***
The Supreme Court docket agrees to an expedited listening to on the Louisiana legislation. Justices Alito and Clarence Thomas refuse to recuse themselves from the case, regardless of a controversial leaked trade of texts between them:
Thomas: Nice signage by Martha-Ann. That lady’s received GAME.
Alito: Yeah however she’s not making my life simpler. Roberts determined for us to recuse on Louisiana. Has received his gown in a twist over the most recent SCOTUS disapproval score.
Thomas: Oh boo hoo hoo. What’s he anxious about? Getting fired?
Alito: LOL. Martha-Ann says if I recuse she’s hiring the Goodyear blimp.
Thomas: MAJOR signage! Thou shalt not mess with Martha-Ann!
***
The Supreme Court docket guidelines 7-2 towards Louisiana. Mr. Landry declares an official day of mourning. However Mr. Trump is unbowed, posting on Reality Social: “I’ll add 10 fabulous new commandments on day considered one of Trump Two, so assist me God!”
Christopher Buckley is a novelist, humorist and former speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush. He’s the creator of “God Is My Dealer,” “Thank You for Smoking” and “Has Anybody Seen My Toes?”
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